Master's in Motherhood

Recently a lot of my friends have been asking me what I am going to do with my degree now that I am done. I thought I would answer this here on my blog and explain my reasons as well. I chose to blog so I could discuss this choice and what that means for me; plus, I think that would be an incredibly long Facebook status.

I am excited to say that I have decided to become a full time wife and mom. My mom likes to say I'm becoming a domestic goddess, but I like the way Kyle puts it: I'm getting my Master's in Motherhood. Telling some of my friends about my decision to stay home has brought on so many different responses; both good and bad. Apparently this is something I have to explain, by the way some people have responded and questioned my choice. Well, here it goes:

Firstly, this subject is something incredibly near and dear to me. My mother stayed home for me and my siblings and Kyle's mom did for his family too. I would like to thank each of them for this sacrifice. Being a mother is not easy. It is the one job that I think someone is completely emotionally invested. It's close to the heart, and that's what makes it so exhausting and worthwhile.

This is the part where I express my blunt opinion on the subject, which people may not like to hear. Please don't be offended by my thoughts and feelings, we are each entitled to our own. Here are mine:

I am incredibly grateful and fortunate that my husband provides us enough for me to stay home with our baby. It's a luxury that not everyone can afford. I am thankful for this opportunity. Saying that, I feel like people belittle those who choose to stay home with their children, and the importance that that holds in raising children. I think this is incredibly important, and my child's development and future children's lives are my top priority.

I want my kiddos to know I am always there for them; whether its just a regular day that they walk through the door from a hard day of school, or I'm cheering on the sidelines of a sport activity, or when a kiss is needed on an "ouchie". I want to be there for every moment. This is something that I desire more than anything; above having a career and entering the workforce.

I want my children to be responsible, fun loving, hard working, obedient children of our Heavenly Father and Savior. I honestly don't think that can be done on a part-time basis. At least I know I can't teach and exemplify those things for my kids on a limited time basis.

I have seen the look in some people's faces that says, "You're throwing your education away". It makes me sad that I can read that thought apparently on others faces. I can't think of another job more gratifying and worth applying all that I know.

Now, I understand that there are those of you that think differently than me. I understand that. Keep in mind that I just think this is the best choice for me. Each person chooses their path in life that is the best for themselves individually; and I say go and find what you think is best for you.

Yes, I have dreams and aspirations that I will have to put on hold for a little while. Yes, I want to continue my education further down the road. Yes, I eventually want to start my own business. I do have other dreams. But my dream right now is being able to provide for my family my knowledge, my time, and my love. I hope this helped explain my choices and my feelings.

Seriously, who wouldn't stay home with a cutie like this?

Thanks for listening. Here are a few pictures of graduation that I would like to share:

 Love this man more
than anything!
Thanks for your support.

Wonderful Little Reminders

Recently I have had lots of wonderful reminders that things in my life are changing. These reminders have taught me that there are many beautiful things ahead of me, and that with every thing there is a season. I have begun to get a deeper sense of what this really means. I would like to share some of these things; I don't really have a journal, so this is the best place for me to really jot these types of things down so I can remember them later.

This week I reorganized Hayden's room. While I was doing that, it was my first time that I packed up his tiny, tiny baby clothes. This made me sad and excited at the same time. While my little baby is still very little, he is most definitely past the newborn stage. I am enjoying playing with my 'not so small' guy. He giggles and smiles at me when I play with him, he adores reading books with his Dad, and he loves to be with me 24/7. While I am enjoy all this, packing up his clothes still made me sad because he is growing up. I guess this means I will be having more babies then. I already miss having a newborn. I had the newborn fever again when I got to hold my friends little week old boy, and I had to pass him back to her.

Next reminder: Kyle has this little patch of grey hair on one of his temples. When I run my fingers through his head at night, I always notice it (note: Kyle is in denial that he is graying, so I don't bring it up). But this little patch always makes me smile. This reminds me that I am one lucky girl to get to grow old with this man. This reminds me that we will only be getting older, and that I need to enjoy my time with him each and everyday.

There have been a few more reminders, that I feel are a little too personal for me to share here. Words can't express how I have been prompted recently to enjoy EACH day. Enjoy family moments, enjoy my hardships (as hard as that may be for me), enjoy all that life has to offer. I never realized how busy I could get. But as busy as I am right now there have been several moments in my days where I have been able to pause, take a  breath, and find beauty in my somewhat crazy life. I am grateful for all that I have been given. I am grateful that I have such a loving husband who supports me, and a son that I adore more than anything. Life couldn't get any better.

To end my post, I wanted to add some pictures of my 'not so big' boy. He is already five months old! Crazy!

Our Little Fish

Here is a little video that shows Hayden's first swimming experience. Kinda Fun. But I hate how annoying my voice sounds in it; but it is really a cute one of him.

Ending Chapters and New Beginnings

Alright, please bare with me as I express my situation right now. I just needed some place to write it out, and I figure, why not here?

Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed. Between school, and being a wife and mother I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Right now in my life, this is a time that a huge chapter is ending, and a new one is opening for me. This is how I am feeling these days:

With me being on the verge of being finished with school (I'll be done in April), I am excited, anxious, and worried. I am excited because I have been in school for the last 18 years of my life, without any sort of break. I feel like this has been my life! These last two years, my longest break from school has been a month. I also am excited because I am the first person in my family (of all my siblings, parents, and grandparents) to finish and receive a college degree. I am really excited!

I am anxious; despite this semester being the lightest credit load I have ever taken, it is definitely the most difficult for me. Being a mom and wife right now is so time demanding. Hayden is in need of constant attention. I find myself wanting to be able to just play with him all day instead of doing homework. My house is an utter disaster, my fridge and pantry are both completely empty, and I am in sweats most of the day, everyday (YUCK). I almost get no quality time with my hubby, and I am used to spending loads of time with him; it is hard because he is my best friend and I LOVE spending time with him (yes, he stills drives me crazy at times just like any normal husband).

An assignment that would normally take me thirty minutes, now takes me two hours to complete. I barely finish my assignments on time right now, and they are not to the standards that I have held myself to; this drives me crazy.  For all these reasons, I am anxious to finish and see how I will do.

I am worried because I am afraid of what I am going to do once I am done with my degree. I'm not going to start a career; I made that decision a long time ago. I have been fortunate enough that my husband that can provide for us so that I can stay at home to be a Mom. However, I don't feel like I have any hobbies or skills that I can use being at home, and that makes me worried. What am I going to do with myself with my extra time? I know that is something so dumb to be worried about, but seriously, I am. My whole life my spare time was filled with sports, and I can't do that all the time now. I have never been crafty, but I have the desire to be; but I don't know where to start.

I've started to think that maybe I should just go for a Masters. But I've decided that no, I should try to develop myself in other ways.

So, overall, I am doing great. But I feel like I have all the drive and vision that I would ever need in some areas of my life, and that I am completely blind in others. I am feeling bittersweet about these changes; but overall excited. I know that I'll figure it out. I know that I will love 'just' being a mom. I know that I will enjoy being at home and not having to plaster my face to a screen for hours a day. I know all these things confidently.

Sometimes I see my life as scaling a mountain. Once I get to the top, I have always had higher one behind it to tackle. This time I am almost to the summit, but I don't see another peak to scale- at least not yet. So, for now, I focus on pushing through to the end.

 Thanks for listening.

We Have a Three Month Old!

We can't believe that our baby boy is already three months old! That flew by too fast. It's kind of bittersweet for me to have my little guy getting so big so fast. I know it will only be a matter of time until snuggles with mom will be traded for time wrestling with dad, that his eyes won't search a room for his Momma, and that he will start having his own important agenda. But I have some time before all that, and I know Hayden will have some siblings down the road. I guess I just love having a baby in my home.

Now, about my little man. At three months, he already is teething! Oh my gosh! I never thought it would happen this early. He has two bottom teeth that should be cutting any day. I can see the tips of the teeth poking out of his gums. He is trying to roll, but not very hard. He is content where he is apparently.


Here is a little bit about my little man and his already BIG personality:

• He LOVES to talk with people. It holds his attention for about 10 minutes (which I think is a good span for a baby).
• He smiles big open mouth smiles to the people he's comfortable with.
• He gives me and his dad this quizzical look at times that says: "Make me laugh funny man! Come on, show me what you got."
• He gets my attention in one volume: LOUD. By that I mean the crying that makes him turn all red.
• These days, he has to be entertained. He quickly lets me know when he is bored by smacking things away with his hands or turning his face into my chest. 
• He has a crooked smile when he is annoyed with the people talking to him.
• He LOVES to be sung to. Sometimes he sings with me. 
• He kicks with excitement when he's being changed. 
• He hates being wrapped up to sleep. I wake up at night to find his arms up through the neck of his shirts to get his arms free.  
• His favorite new toy is his fists. 

Words cannot express how happy this little guy makes me.  I have three month old pictures I will post later today. I'm out of time right now unfortunately. Dinner calls!

Ignore how awful I look. I had to post this. My little cooking assistant!

YUM! I love my fists

Thoughts on School as a Mother

Yuck! Finals week starts today. Honestly, I am blogging right now mostly because I want to find any excuse to get out of finishing my classes and having to take exams. I know that sounds really stupid and I'm sure you're thinking, "Just finish them!"  But there is some invisible wall that erects itself at the end of every semester; and it always seems impossible to break through or climb over. Or at least it takes too much work to get over it. So, needless to say, here I am 'trying' to motivate myself to just get started finishing my classes. But while I am making excuses about why I am avoiding the inevitable painful end of the semester, I might as well blog about how schooling and motherhood is going right?

Here are my thoughts about going to school with a newborn as a first time Mom:

IT'S HARD; it's challenging for a lot of reasons. I want to clarify before I go on that I LOVE Hayden, and am so glad he is here. I LOVE being a mother. I would never change the fact that he is here, right here, right now. I just thought I would write about my feelings about going to school while having a child, and my experience thus far. I want to start this story with my labor (my five hour, got to a nine labor before my c-section). While I was in labor, I tried to convince Kyle to crack open the laptop so I could finish some tests that were due that day. I did get through a few, but everyone thought I was insane. But I have deadlines people! And surprisingly teachers aren't that flexible.

Sad, I know. But continuing through school, I have found it hard to jump out of bed to find a filthy house I can't keep up with and a stack of books with endless assignments to stay ahead of. But that isn't even the worst of it: the most difficult thing about it all is that I JUST want to be a Mom.

Enough of the schooling, boring reading, and assignments; I just want to cuddle up with my little kiddo. I want to play with him, and talk to him in high pitched baby voices (that I swore I would never do) to get him to smile at me. I don't like having to watch him kick around on the floor for hours while I have homework. Which, by the way, he is perfectly content doing. Most of all, though, is it drives me crazy that I am taking all these parenting classes. I don't want to learn about parenting from a book, I want to learn hands on.

I think that summarizes my feelings. I know that everyone who checks my blog is not in my situation, but from now on, I am going to recommend that no one do what I have done. Finish school first people! Get it done first! Do it so you can love JUST being a Mom. I know I look forward to April coming up, so that I can proudly just be a mom. An everyday, full time mom; but highly educated!

And yes, I have to finish off this post as usual with a photo of my little man. And maybe a video. Sorry, I just can't help myself:

Now I have no more excuses for putting off school... Sad. Well, wish me luck!

Christmas Tree

Long time no blog... I feel like I have a lot to catch up on. First off, our Christmas Tree is finally finished! We got our tree on Wednesday and brought it home in our traditional Ambrose manner; inside the car instead of on top!  After that, it took me a few days to trim it and put the lights on. Finally, today we put all the decorations on it. I love this time of year; and I feel like it couldn't get any better now that we have Hayden with us.

Here are some pictures of the finished product:

Our Finished Product

Hayden LOVES the tree

Favorite picture yet!!

This is my favorite time of the year by far. I love all traditions that revolve around this holiday; the music, the food, spending family time together... I even love the traditions that many seem to dislike including egg nog and mistletoe. I always feel like I can't get enough of it. I know this sounds quite childish, but sometimes I wish it was Christmas all year round. With that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas!